Have you ever noticed that societal boxes and labels are designed to keep people in their comfort zone? And unwittingly, many people succumb to this state of mental inertia…spiritual standstill…prison for the soul. Trained from birth, they assume the position in life that others dictate to them in their relationships, education, careers, social behaviors, and even in what they do with their leisure time.
So what is a comfort zone?
According to definition, a comfort zone is an anxiety neutral seemingly risk free familiar behavioral state in which a person operates their life from a limited set of behaviors and a steady level of performance. Inside the comfort zone, there is an unfounded sense of security while operating within certain conditioned mental boundaries.
The ‘limited set of behaviors’ come partially from agreed upon societal labels with regard to race, color, religion, politics, nationality, philosophy, intelligence, education, age, marital status, etc. Add to that a plethora of value judgments placed on us by parents, teachers, friends, and perceived authorities. Combine these concepts together with our agreement to assume these parameters, these values, qualities and labels for ourselves and our belief systems are formed.
To protect who and what we believe to be ourselves, our physical bodies and our borrowed values and beliefs, we build boxes around ourselves to contain all those things that we think define us. As self-jailers, we lock ourselves into those externally imposed definitions of self, the roles that we play, and lead our mundane lives.
How I created my own label-free comfort outside the box
As a product of the 1940s and 50s, I spent much of my younger adulthood living the predefined roles of daughter, wife and mother. Yet, I did it my way because I had a strong sense of self and was never comfortable with the traditional roles and expectations projected on me. For that matter, I’ve never liked tradition.
Prior to my first marriage, at the ripe old age of 18 1/2, I became a map draftsman, a job traditionally held by men. It was not easy being the only woman playing a man’s role in a male dominated working environment, but the experience served me well. I learned valuable lessons in setting boundaries, standing up for myself and my rights, being accepted for my skills and intelligence while at the same time maintaining my femininity and being respected despite being young and female.
My first major in college was Elementary Education, one of the few fields available to women at that time. I quickly found it wasn’t for me and changed my major to Speech Pathology. When that field shifted from a psychological to a medical model, I opted to change to Recreation Therapy and Counseling Psychology. Then my college career was cut short by duties to family as my father was dying, and later I became a mother to my son.
When I returned to school many years later, I completed my BA in an independent study program where I created my own major – Learning Facilitation (Learning How to Learn). Just prior to graduation, I’d also been certified as a hypnotherapist. I finally felt a sense of completion and I knew I had defined myself outside the system. It felt really good.
I’ve never regretted stepping outside the box, though I do believe I was born that way. I felt compelled to be true to myself and my nature, and to not give into others’ visions for my life. That said, I do admit to trying out a few suggestions others convinced me I’d be good at, like being a Realtor. Although I was good at many things, I quickly discovered I am only happy when the work I do is creative, comes from love and passion, and resonates with my heart and soul. Sometimes to discover what we do want, it’s necessary to find out what we don’t want…like kissing a lot of toads before the prince appears. Trust me, I’ve had my share of toads and princes too, but that’s a story for another day.
Be a joyful Spiritual Entrepreneur…outside the box and label-free
Many people have settled for living inside their boxes and haven’t a clue why they don’t feel happy and fulfilled. When they see others living lives they wish they had, they attribute it to good fortune, a big break, or even good genes. When they think of doing what they believe they want and love, the fear of taking risks raises its ugly head and they start beating themselves with thoughts that they aren’t good enough, smart enough, young enough, or brave enough to follow their hearts.
Then the fears and worries about what others might say has them slink back into their boxes and pull the flaps shut. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of every kind keeps the labels in place and once again they convince themselves that this is what life is all about.
What they don’t know is that their freedom is only a thought away, that highly successful persons routinely step outside their comfort zones in order to achieve their goals. The increased level of anxiety engendered in taking a risk actually enhances the level of concentration and focus. This is a phenomenon known as an Optimal Performance Zone. Since fear and excitement produce very similar chemical reactions in the body, it’s important to develop a positive attitude toward risk and change.
Before stepping outside of the comfort zone, it’s important for one’s thoughts, beliefs and behaviors to be congruent and in alignment with how they wish to show up in the world. Anyone desiring to be a Spiritual Entrepreneur would be wise to seek guidance from a counselor or coach. To see if being a Spiritual Entrepreneur is right for you, you might wish to take the quizzes recommended in my prior post, Type Casting for Spiritual Entrepreneurs.
If you are looking for someone to guide you through the process of becoming a Spiritual Entrepreneur, please check out my Offerings. I’ll be happy to help you discover your passion, envision your business, and create the life of your dreams. I’m also available to help those who are already in business to shift the energy from the old paradigm to a 21st Century heart centered co-creative focus.
I’ll soon be adding a 90 day quick start and a 6 month mentoring program specifically designed to help you to give birth to your vision in a way that feels easy, effortless, exciting, energizing and rewarding.
